*Disclaimer: I’m about to get real

UGH! Where do I even begin? So many thoughts are racing in my head about this topic, Senioritis. And man does it stink. There have been times where I have had breakdowns because of school. It’s gotten to a point where there are days I have no motivation and my attitude is atrocious. LIKE IT’S BAD. And it’s not that I mean to act that way, it’s just that I get so wrapped up in my problems and I tell myself “I can’t do it” or “today is gonna be terrible” or “why am I at school”. With all of these negative comments in my head and me deciding to be in a bad mood, it just makes the whole situation awful. School work wise, I am still going pretty strong and it hasn’t gotten a hold of me yet, but my attitude and motivation  is a constant battle between me choosing to be happy at school or deciding to be in a bad mood. 

Another instance about my attitude is around people at school, I guess. At school I play this reserved, quiet, and calm person, but if you get to know me you know I am loud, weird, and sometimes crazy. Though, I am an introvert and don’t really like social outings unless I am willing to go or have a friend come with me, I am a COMPLETELY different person in school vs. out of school. This year, though, it also has gotten to the point that I don’t think about what others think of me, or whether a person hates me, or if people talk about me behind my back. If I hear people talking trash about me or look at me with a face of disgust, I just really don’t care. They can judge me and I will not care :).

With all of that said, there are things that I have learned so far in senior year. (Again, as petty as my words are, how dramatic I make things seem, life is all good). The first thing I learned in senior year is that you can be yourself, truly. It gets to a point where you mentally mature and other may seem “little” in a sense. For example, if you are wearing or doing something “weird” or I guess what is “different” to what others think, why care what a sixth or tenth grader thinks of you or anyone else in general. Like for real, why bother? Nobody cares except you.

The second thing that I have learned is that you control your mindset. As mentioned before, I have days where I have absolute no motivation and struggle to get out of bed and decide to have a bad attitude. But, I can control my own mindset and decide to have a good attitude despite if I have ten tests that day. And the last thing I have learned (so far) is that it’s ok to not go to a so called “amazing” college. **Which, btw, all colleges are good despite what others think. What is good for someone may not be for you** What I mean by this, is when I tell people where I want to go to college they are like, “oh” or “that college sucks”. (not everyone)  Yet, when someone is going to a top notch rigorous art institute or going to some top dog college they are like, “Oh WOW! You have a whole life set in front of you!” Like what the heck? I have good colleges that I want to attend and are good, just because it isn’t something “amazing” according to a person, doesn’t mean it’s not good.*Idk college triggers me BIG TIME and I dislike when people ask me about my future and/or college. Anyway, I am blessed that I have made it this far because I have struggled in school. For example, 4th grade I really struggled cause I found out I had ADD. I cried because, “Why can’t I be smart like the others kids in my class.” I have worked my butt off to have the grades that I have. What I learned is, no matter the college, it’s ok 🙂 It’s someone’s personal choice where they want to go. (It just makes me upset when people judge you based on what college you want to go or are attending, but why care what others think? amiright?) I can create my own “destiny” in life by taking opportunities, do amazing internships to build a great resume, and get into a good job. It’s ok to either have a normal, spontateous, or have a successful life. I told myself to not compare myself to others.

All throughout high school, I have experienced all of the ups and downs of being an angsty teen to where I start to grow up and realize, “Hey, this wasn’t that bad”. Everything is going to be ok. As long as I work hard, have motivation, I’ll be fine. So for all you seniors out there, you can kick senioritis in the butt! (and just know you’re not the only one 😉